Borderline - domestic abuse quilt series #5

Borderline 16'' by 16''This piece is informed from specific cases of abuse, as told and experienced by me, my friends, and family. Mental illness can often be a factor in cases of abuse and is common among those who have Borderline Personality Disorder.  When making this piece I was specifically thinking about BPD and its role in the abusive situation my family member is dealing with. With BPD  things are very unpredictible and fragile; a person with this illness can switch from black to white and back again and you don't know "which person" you will be dealing with on any given day."At least 50% of all domestic abuse and violence against men is associated with woman who have a Borderline Personality disorder." from Oregoncouseling.orgBPD is not a part of all abuse cases, but  mental illness can increase the likelihood that someone will either perpetrate or experience abuse. People do not choose to have a mental illness but when diagnosed with one they CAN choose to follow or not follow their treatment plan. There are plenty of kind and gentle people working to keep their illness (BPD or other) under control so that they don't harm themselves and/or others.Here is a good resource for  friends and family of someone with mental health problems.   If you think your friend or family member is in need of community mental health services you can find help in your area.A healthy relationship is one that is free from fear and force.If you have a friend or family member who is experiencing abuse here are some things you can do to help. The most important thing to remember is that the choice to leave or not is theirs. You can't make them leave a bad situation but you can be supportive and helpful in their choice. They will need someone they can count on when/if they do decide to end or leave the abusive relationship.

Domestic Violence knows no boundaries when it comes to race/gender/sexuality/age/socioeconomic status/geographic location/culture.

Remember, domestic abuse affects ten million people in the US every year.  If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please know that the folks at the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1 800 799 SAFE or thehotline.org) are ready to listen and support you, as well as refer you to a local program or organization. If you observe someone being abused, you can also call the hotline.  A good samaritan call can save a life!

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All of the quilts in the Domestic Abuse series so far can be viewed here.

Hope - number 4 in the domestic abuse quilt series

Hope - finished size 16" by 16".Abuse victims can feel isolated and helpless. One of my friends who has escaped two abusive relationships told me, "If you don't have hope, you don't have anything." After an extended period of abuse it can be very difficult for the victim and his or her family to have any hope. Hope for a world without abuse is often what motivates advocates to work in shelters, answer hotline calls, lobby politicians for protective legislation, and teach others about healthy relationships. Read more about some of the common abusive behaviors here.

If you have a friend or family member who is experiencing abuse here are some things you can do to help. The most important thing to remember is that the choice to leave or not is theirs. You can't make them leave a bad situation but you can be supportive and helpful in their choice. They will need someone they can count on when/if they do decide to end or leave the abusive relationship.

Domestic Violence knows no boundaries when it comes to race/gender/sexuality/age/socioeconomic status/geographic location/culture.

Remember, domestic abuse affects ten million people in the US every year.  If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please know that the folks at the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1 800 799 SAFE or thehotline.org) are ready to listen and support you, as well as refer you to a local program or organization. If you observe someone being abused, you can also call the hotline.  A good samaritan call can save a life!

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All of the quilts in the Domestic Abuse series so far can be viewed here.

Depression - quilt 2 in the domestic abuse series

Depression - finsished size 16'' x 16''The injuries from emotional/verbal abuse are invisible to the eye; they do not show up as bruises or broken bones.The victims of abuse often develop depression. Bruce Linton, a family therapist, quoted in this article, speculates that we are inclined to underestimate the damage that verbal assaults -- harsh words, or even words spoken in a harsh manner -- can inflict. Over time, the unremitting assault on individuals' autonomy and sense of identity can erode their confidence and self-esteem.In her book Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out: On Relationship and Recovery, Patricia Evans defines 15 types of verbal abuse:

• Withholding (refusing to talk to or acknowledge the victim)
• Countering (always telling the victim that he or she is wrong)
• Discounting (not taking into account the victim's perceptions)
• Verbal abuse disguised as a joke
• Blocking and diverting (thwarting the victim's attempts at communication)
• Accusing and blaming
• Judging and criticizing
• Trivializing (telling the victim his or her concerns are inconsequential)
• Undermining (eroding the victim's confidence)
• Threatening (implying physical harm through a fit of rage or though an unspoken threat, like punching the wall)
• Name calling
• Forgetting (regularly "forgetting" appointments, agreements, or incidents)
• Ordering and demanding
• Denial (denying all abusive behavior)
• Abusive anger (frightening the victim with repeated angry outbursts)

Children who have been abused have a higher risk of developing depression in later life. "The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that among adults ages 18 and older, approximately 15 million have major depression and 3 million have chronic mild depression. The onset for depression for most people begins after age 30, and it affects a higher percentage of women than men. People with a history of emotional and physical abuse have an earlier age at onset of depression and a longer duration of illness, according to a study published in the "Journal of Psychiatric Research" in 2010."If you have a friend or family member who is experiencing abuse here are some things you can do to help. The most important thing to remember is that the choice to leave or not is theirs. You can't make them leave a bad situation but you can be supportive and helpful in their choice. They will need someone they can count on when/if they do decide to end or leave the abusive relationship.

Domestic Violence knows knows no boundaries when it comes to race/gender/sexuality/age/socioeconomic status/geographic location/culture.

Remember, domestic abuse affects ten million people in the US every year.  If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please know that the folks at the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1 800 799 SAFE or thehotline.org) are ready to listen and support you, as well as refer you to a local program or organization. If you observe someone being abused, you can also call the hotline.  A good samaritan call can save a life!

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All of the quilts in the Domestic Abuse series so far can be viewed here.

Isolation - the first in a series

Ten million Americans experience domestic abuse every year.  Ten million.  Someone I love and care about is a victim of abuse and has been for nearly twenty years.  Odds are you or someone you know is a victim as well. I have learned a lot about domestic abuse over the last two decades and the number one fact I have learned is that most incidents are never reported.  Ten million people every year and that number doesn't reflect the full scope of abuse in the US, as many people aren't able to safely share and report their stories.  I am a doer.  I like to make and fix things.  Sadly, I cannot fix things for the person in my life who is being abused.  But, I can speak up.  And I can sew.  And hopefully I can make a difference. (Statistics from the CDC)I am currently working on a series of quilts dealing with Domestic Abuse.The first quilt in this series is Isolation.Finished quilt 16" x 16".

Isolation or exclusion is often the first method an abuser uses to gain control over his/her victim.  Abusers do this by limiting who their partner sees, talks to, what they read/watch and even where he/she goes.  They can do this by deleting emails, intercepting mail, erasing phone messages, changing any plans the abused may try to make that would connect him/her to others, blocking calls, and lying to and about others. They often use jealousy to justify their actions.  You can read more about Isolation and Exclusion here and here.

Domestic Violence knows knows no boundaries when it comes to race/gender/sexuality/age/socioeconomic status/geographic location/culture.

Remember, it affects ten million in the US every year.  If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please know that the folks at the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1 800 799 SAFE or thehotline.org) are ready to listen and support you, as well as refer you to a local program or organization. If you observe someone being abused, you can also call the hotline.  A good samaritan call can save a life!

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All of the quilts in the Domestic Abuse series so far can be viewed here.