Eggshells - Domestic Abuse Quilt Series #11

Eggshells - 16” x 16”

The term “walking on eggshells” is to be overly careful in dealing with a person or situation because they get angry or offended very easily; to try very hard not to upset someone or something.

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The most insidious aspect of living with an angry or abusive partner is not the obvious—nervous reactions to shouting, name-calling, criticism or other demeaning behavior. It’s the adaptations one makes to try to prevent those episodes. One walks on eggshells to keep the peace, or a semblance of connection. A person will choose what to say or do based on what they think their abuser’s reaction may be. A person may play out several scenarios in their head - if I do A then the reaction may be X, if I do B the reaction may be Y, etc. Sometimes they can play out all possible scenarios and all of them have the potential to cause a bad reaction from the abuser. This situation can put a person in an abusive relationship in a very stressful situation and lead to anxiety.

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Ten million Americans experience domestic abuse every year.  Ten million.  Someone I love and care about is a victim of abuse and has been for over twenty years.  Odds are you or someone you know is a victim as well. I have learned a lot about domestic abuse over the last two decades and the number one fact I have learned is that most incidents are never reported.  Ten million people every year and that number doesn't reflect the full scope of abuse in the US, as many people aren't able to safely share and report their stories.  I am a doer.  I like to make and fix things.  Sadly, I cannot fix things for the person in my life who is being abused.  But, I can speak up.  And I can sew.  And hopefully I can make a difference. (Statistics from the CDC)

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If you have a friend or family member who is experiencing abuse here are some things you can do to help. The most important thing to remember is that the choice to leave or not is theirs. You can't make them leave a bad situation but you can be supportive and helpful in their choice. They will need someone they can count on when/if they do decide to end or leave the abusive relationship.

Domestic Violence knows knows no boundaries when it comes to race/gender/sexuality/age/socioeconomic status/geographic location/culture.  

Remember, domestic abuse affects ten million people in the US every year.  If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please know that the folks at the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1 800 799 SAFE or are ready to listen and support you, as well as refer you to a local program or organization. If you observe someone being abused, you can also call the hotline.  A good samaritan call can save a life!


All of the quilts in the Domestic Abuse series so far can be viewed here.